The woman behind the military

         How is it to be a military wife? It’s to be a military wife, with all the specific characteristics: understanding – when a sound or an alarm takes him away from you very soon and often; patient – when he is late home or when the work atmosphere is tenser; confident – when his mission is in a dangerous place; proud – when a brave act is a priority over own health; happy – when … Anytime!

         Yes, that’s right and not otherwise. She knows better than anyone to cherish the moment because she feels with a soldier more protected. After all, it’s her choice, and she has to adapt to this lifestyle.

         These thoughts are common for military wives, beyond the individuality of couples, in which at least the husband is military. At and out of the microphone, I felt more positive emotion than concern, they mastered it so well; I heard more optimistic words than criticism, so cleverly they modeled their values.

         For example, Olesea and her husband, Major Marcel Murguleț from the Air Defense Regiment, told each other from the beginning of their marriage not to confront their own selves but to learn to give in. Moreover, not to calculate who and how much gives up and to overcome any crisis through communication: „With my husband, I feel like a little girl in the giant’s hand. I dreamed of a tall, blond man with blue eyes, smart, and the military uniform gives him an extra image. Although we are both bosses and leaders, at home, we are without positions. We pay attention to each other’s feelings and don’t fight or compete with each other. I learned to read the mood on his face, and if necessary, I let him adjust, to really come home, the saying „He reached, but he didn’t come.” I understand that it isn’t so simple to be an example for subordinates and to make maximum efforts for a good physical condition, for a clear judgment, etc. – all these can be demanding.”

         I notified that the Murgulet family insisted on managing the couple’s life with maturity, which developed during the 12 years of marriage. This doesn’t mean that they stay away from anxiety moments and dilemmas: „I missed my husband a lot when he studied in Romania. I can’t imagine what I would do if he goes on a peacekeeping or combat mission. My head says that it is a necessary experience, but my heart is full of fear for the mission risks. When he’s next to me, I feel like I can protect him. When it’s far away … this internal struggle is complicated. „

         No matter how obvious the risks and the deep pain of separation, I haven’t heard any case when the wife categorically opposes the husband’s mission. It’s an act of courage when you put your happiness at stake for the well of one or more nations. She, the soldier’s wife, obeys and accepts the second position towards her partner’s great Love – PEACE! She understands that he has sworn to defend his country with his own life cost.

         She, along with hundreds of women, means Adelina, who is Colonel Aurel Corcodel’s wife. During 15 years of marriage, about 5 he has been out: „I was most worried when he left for Kosovo (KFOR-1 and KFOR-13). I watched the local news, and I couldn’t find my place until I received a sign from him. It could take up to 2 days, especially when he worked in the mountains area without a connection. The children suffered more when he was studying in the USA, he was absent for a year and a half. The little one almost didn’t recognize him. „

         All this time, the woman didn’t allow herself to cry but kept her mind busy at home and work. Perhaps because, being an officer in the General Inspectorate for Emergency Situations, she managed her fillings, and overcame with dignity and certain prejudices: „The militaries perceive such activities not only for money, they have the risk in their blood, they are devoted to the ideal. Going against him only destroys him, but I love my husband, and I always support him.”

         Life with a soldier means tests sooner or later. The challenges are different: either a mission in a post-conflict area or longer-term studies. And then comes the separation, or she has to interrupt her own activities only to be together, as host countries recommend. In such situations, wives make different choices, but neither is easy. This is how Irina left the job to keep the family in full shape for a year, while her husband, Lieutenant – colonel Dumitru Parfeni, studied in the USA, at the command and staff course: „We decided to take advantage of this opportunity, and I think we have had several benefits for each member. For example, we met people and families from different countries, we discovered their customs, traditions and culture. Our children studied for a year in American school only in English. The husband has accumulated the knowledge and skills necessary for his career. There are others with a long-term impact. We always focus on the positive side of any situation. We are aware that the father and husband, being military, must be absent periodically, that we spend the holidays at a distance, that family responsibilities fall on the mother’s shoulders, but Don’t figure out easy things if you are the military’s wife.”

         The pride doubled in the Parfeni family when Irina decided to join the military. In the house, things remained unchanged: he – father and husband, she – mother and wife. Instead, she better understood how much the military uniform responsible and how different military service conditions are compared to those in the civilian sector.

         There are many military families where spouses share both the personal and professional environment. A classic situation is when the wife has a civilian profession. After the childcare period’s expiration or in other circumstances, she enlists in the army as a contract soldier. Why? The salary is higher and stable, they say. Convenient, but not without accusations such as „Let’s go with the whole relatives in the army”, „What kind of development can the army have if we hire wives and not specialists, plus they require a special attitude” etc.

         Mihaela is ready to overcome these prejudices and dreams of the day she becomes a soldier in the same unit with her husband, Captain Ion Cusca from the Artillery Regiment. Moreover, she is ready to give up pedagogy and adopt a lifestyle, less independent, being aware that the division of time can be a real challenge, especially when they have children: „We got used to this program, with night calls, with urgent leaving. I really don’t see any disadvantages in having a soldier or two in the house, we have relatives who can help us. We probably perceive things from a different perspective. I met my husband when we were little. Being from the same village, we grew up and learned together. During our student years, we also went to Chisinau together, and his job as a soldier mattered less in the decision to unite our destinies. „

         The Cusca couple didn’t experience long-term separations – at most 3 months for studies in Romania, they had no other situations, what to test their emotions, so they build their life balanced: „In our country there is peace, respectively it’s quieter to be the soldier wife in Moldova, compared to states that have conflicts, wars or whose soldiers are involved in combat missions.”

         A family, less tumultuous, the story is also Tatiana‘s. For the most part, her husband, Lieutenant-Major Dorin Tiosa is with her and their child. They both work as soldiers in the 3rd Motorized Infantry Brigade: he with a busier schedule, always on the alert; she as a fitness instructor, has fewer duties and a predetermined schedule: „After marriage, I became more caring, more patient, more confident, I am proud of my husband. I insist that he study, even this means long separations, only for him to realize his dreams. I can’t afford to become an obstacle to this compartment. In fact, the support is mutual. I also want to practice law, and until I have a basic position, I will help the unit’s lawyer.”

         Among the most common attempts of a military couple are alarms and night shifts. The first thought is that the woman has to solve the problem. Well, the unit offer chance that one of the spouses to be always at home with the child or „when we need to visit the doctor, we get the necessary time. It’s more difficult when it is an alarm time. Then we all wake up, no matter how early, I take the child to the parents and then my mother manages time with him. Sometimes I feel like giving up the military, but as soon as I put on my military uniform, the spirit of discipline ignites in me, and any doubt disappears.”

         Each of these women speaks and lives with admiration for her husband’s appearance, success at work, her husband’s abilities, and human qualities. This emotional dominance mobilizes them to become unconditionally involved in supporting their partner; to swim continuously through the life waves no matter how high they are; to be an artisan of peace and understanding in his family, thus bringing a tribute to world peace.

In Romanian: https://dragostinavicol.org/2021/03/17/femeia-din-spatele-militarului/

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